Your Horror-scope for St. Patrick’s Day Week
The week begins with the annual St. Patrick’s Day festivities.
Of course, they will include barrels of green beer, parades, green food, green clothing, and green faces laced with hangovers.
They say everyone is a little Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. A little Irish? I guess that means we all can be lephracons. Hey, where’s my Pot o’ Gold?
The planets in the Celestial sphere are aligned just right to make St. Pat’s Day, and the rest of the week a memorable one.
Relax and enjoy this week’s predictions.
Happy St. Paddy’s Day!
Aries… Mars is busy cleaning up for a St. Patrick’s Day picnic for all the other planets. Be cautious at meal time this week. You may find a lephracon swimming in your soup.
Taurus…The moon is trying hard to get out of the Earth’s shadow at the moment. You too can become legendary in Ireland. Just round up some snakes (non-poisonous) and drive them to the sea. First, make sure you put the snakes in the trunk, and don’t forget your driver’s license.
Gemini… Mercury rules your sign this week. He’s a benevolent ruler, and a little mercurial at times. This week, be wary of that pain in your back. You may be passing a Blarney Stone.
Cancer…Venus is making a new outfit for the party Mars is having. Your costume idea for the St. Patrick’s Day party is unique. Who would imagine anyone dressed as corned beef and cabbage.
Leo…Neptune is rehearsing the song, “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”, for the party. You should know when Irish eyes are smiling they are probably up to something.
Virgo… Saturn hasn’t found a baby sitter and is worried about attending the party. Don’t open any emails from Ireland this week. They could be sent by a Lephra-Con-Artist.
Libra…Pluto is green with jealousy because, not being an official planet, it can’t attend the party Mars is hosting. Keeping that in mind, don’t bother looking for a lephracon and his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s been confiscated by the U.S. Government to cover its debt.
Scorpio…The Earth is shadowing most of the moon now. You will be the hit of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade when you appear as a large float based on The Dennis Miller Show.
Sagittarius… Jupiter is busy teaching its moons Irish dancing. Your idea for a theme park based on green beer will only be appreciated on March 17th.
Capricorn…Mars is anxiously awaiting the arrival of party guests. (See Aries). You will be green with envy when your best friend elopes with a lephracon.
Aquarius…Venus rules your sign this week. She is planning to launch a new tax. You may be wrong in your thinking. Your green grocer isn’t necessarily Irish.
Pisces…Neptune is on the cusp now. Your interests this week should center on bold blogging, lephracons logging, and Irish Clogging.
And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”
Copyright 2013, Ronald J. Yarosh. All rights reserved.