Matron Mulls Mortality
Senior Citizen Keeps Mind Active By Contemplating Death
PORTLAND, ME—
In an effort to remain mentally sharp well into her golden years, local senior citizen Evelyn Gordon, 86, told reporters Thursday she keeps her mind active by regularly contemplating her rapidly approaching death.
“For just a few minutes every day, I really try to focus in and challenge my brain by thinking about all the different ways I might die in the next few years,” said Gordon, who attempts to improve cognitive function by performing mental exercises whenever she has downtime, such as calculating the number of days she has left on earth or carefully visualizing friends and family paying their respects at her funeral.
“Then, before bed, I like to give my memory a nice workout by recalling all of the close friends and loved ones who have already passed away, and how that could realistically happen to me any day now. Of course, mostly I keep my mind sharp by concentrating on what it means to vanish into nothingness and be utterly forgotten. It really helps keep me alert.”
Gordon added that she has also taken to learning something new every day about the neurodegenerative diseases that will quite possibly claim her mind sometime soon.
Found@ http://www.theonion.com/articles/senior-citizen-keeps-mind-active-by-contemplating,38311/
Hmmm…
Evelyn contemplates death,
Taking her last living breath;
When is her last day?
Could it be today?
It seems to have shades of Macbeth.
She thinks of the ways she could die,
And the people who would surely cry;
She thinks of folks gone,
Those who have moved on,
She doesn’t look back and ask why.
She does it for mental agility,
She hopes it will help her abilities;
She thinks about dying,
Without any crying,
Death has its own grave futility.
© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Burglar Bludgeoned by Brave Babes
Burglar gets after homeowner, daughter beat him with rolling pin, pan.
ALMONDBURY, England,
Feb. 20 (UPI) –
A British man was sentenced to 32 months in prison for a burglary during which he was beaten with a rolling pin and a pan by the homeowner and her daughter.
Adrian Gilroy, 29, pleaded guilty to breaking into the Almondbury home of Vena Lewis, 68, the Mirror reported.
Lewis was watching TV with her daughter, Tracy Dick, Sunday when they heard a noise in an upstairs bedroom.
The intruder tried to flee, but Lewis and Dick, armed with a rolling pin and a spaghetti pan, would not let him.
Dick hit Gilroy on the head with the pan while Lewis hit him across his legs with a rolling pin. They then pinned him to the floor and waited for police to arrive.
Acting Detective Inspector Ian Thornes commended the women’s bravery.
“It was a very brave effort by the two women. Both occupants are fit and well after their ordeal,” Thornes said. “However, we would issue cautionary advice about tackling intruders. Anyone who suspects they have an intruder in their house should ring 999 immediately.”
After the sentencing, Dick said: “I don’t feel like a hero and my body doesn’t feel like a hero. I was acting on instinct to protect my mother.”
Hmmm…
Two women were certainly brave,
The outcome could have been grave,
They captured a thief,
He suffered some grief,
It’s nothing that he would have craved.
The women went into quick action,
To their ultimate satisfaction,
They used a rolling pin,
Across his bony shins,
Falling was the guy’s reaction.
They then pinned him to the hard floor,
Then he could not steal anymore,
He was held for the cops,
They pulled out all the stops,
He didn’t know what was in store.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.
Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/20/Burglar-gets-after-homeowner-daughter-beat-him-with-rolling-pin-pan/UPI-87821392924946/#ixzz2tueevG00
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