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Posts tagged ‘women’

Matron Mulls Mortality


 

 

old lady

Senior Citizen Keeps Mind Active By Contemplating Death

PORTLAND, ME—

In an effort to remain mentally sharp well into her golden years, local senior citizen Evelyn Gordon, 86, told reporters Thursday she keeps her mind active by regularly contemplating her rapidly approaching death.

“For just a few minutes every day, I really try to focus in and challenge my brain by thinking about all the different ways I might die in the next few years,” said Gordon, who attempts to improve cognitive function by performing mental exercises whenever she has downtime, such as calculating the number of days she has left on earth or carefully visualizing friends and family paying their respects at her funeral.

“Then, before bed, I like to give my memory a nice workout by recalling all of the close friends and loved ones who have already passed away, and how that could realistically happen to me any day now. Of course, mostly I keep my mind sharp by concentrating on what it means to vanish into nothingness and be utterly forgotten. It really helps keep me alert.”

Gordon added that she has also taken to learning something new every day about the neurodegenerative diseases that will quite possibly claim her mind sometime soon.

Found@ http://www.theonion.com/articles/senior-citizen-keeps-mind-active-by-contemplating,38311/

 Hmmm…

Evelyn contemplates death,

Taking her last living breath;

When is her last day?

Could it be today?

It seems to have shades of Macbeth.

 

She thinks of the ways she could die,

And the people who would surely cry;

She thinks of folks gone,

Those who have moved on,

She doesn’t look back and ask why.

 

She does it for mental agility,

She hopes it will help her abilities;

She thinks about dying,

Without any crying,

Death has its own grave futility.

 

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Fine Floor Fantasy Finally Fulfilled


Floors

EDINA, MN—

Moved by a grand and profound force to expand her maple-finish domain beyond its limited borders in the kitchen, area woman Linda Ellison finally achieved her own manifest destiny of hardwood floors throughout her home this week, sources confirmed.

“Though I understood it would be a long, arduous journey that would likely take many years to complete, I always knew deep down that one day, I would be able to look out across high-gloss, select-grade wood panels stretching all the way from the foyer to the back guest room,” said Ellison, who, despite numerous obstacles, never wavered in her pursuit of covering all 1,900 square feet of her ranch-style home in a varnished, light-tone flooring.

“Finding mold in the den underneath the old Berber carpeting and having to reroute some electrical work may have temporarily slowed us, but nothing could stop our advancement.”

“Now, at long last, every corner of the concrete subfloor has been covered in interlocking 2-and-a-quarter-inch hardwood, and this fated vision has become reality.”

Sources noted, however, that Ellison’s full-scale transformation of the household landscape had come at the cost of the forced relocation of her husband’s favorite recliner to the basement.

Found @

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-fulfills-manifest-destiny-of-hardwood-floor,37711/

Hmmm…

A woman got some new floors,

Her carpeting would be no more,

It’s done in light tone,

To improve her home,

It’s something she really adores.

 

It took many years to complete,

The nineteen hundred square feet,

Now it’s installed,

From wall to wall,

It was a difficult feat.

 

It cost her husband his chair,

Which had been sitting right there,

It’s been relocated,

Perhaps it was hated,

Did he consider that fair?

 

Whatever the case may be,

The jobs done as we can see,

The work is now over,

And she sits in clover,

A manifest destiny.

 

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Woman Walks Wire


Woman wire 2

woman walking wire

Here is a photo of Faith Dickey of Austin, Texas (USA), walking the wire during the Women’s Highline Meeting in the Czech Republic.

As you can see, she’s wearing high-heeled shoes.

And, she’s walking on the wire in the rain.

Found @:   http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/11324996/Pictures-of-the-day-5-January-2015.html?frame=3154089

And : http://www.catersnews.com/stories/amazing/talk-about-living-the-high-life-woman-fearlessly-tackles-highline-wearing-heels/

Hmmm…

Walking a wire in the rain,

The woman could not be restrained,

It has been revealed,

She did it in heels,

Her balance was surely sustained.

 

Faith carefully managed her fear,

While the ground wasn’t so near,

She survived her walk,

Faith does walk the talk,

The crowd reacted with cheers.

 

She is the first of her kind,

There’s no one else we could find,

Who wore her high heels,

While walking on steel,

Courage has been redefined.

 

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

Burglar Bludgeoned by Brave Babes


Burglar gets after homeowner, daughter beat him with rolling pin, pan.

ALMONDBURY, England,

Feb. 20 (UPI) –

A British man was sentenced to 32 months in prison for a burglary during which he was beaten with a rolling pin and a pan by the homeowner and her daughter.

Adrian Gilroy, 29, pleaded guilty to breaking into the Almondbury home of Vena Lewis, 68, the Mirror reported.

Lewis was watching TV with her daughter, Tracy Dick, Sunday when they heard a noise in an upstairs bedroom.

The intruder tried to flee, but Lewis and Dick, armed with a rolling pin and a spaghetti pan, would not let him.

Dick hit Gilroy on the head with the pan while Lewis hit him across his legs with a rolling pin. They then pinned him to the floor and waited for police to arrive.

Acting Detective Inspector Ian Thornes commended the women’s bravery.

“It was a very brave effort by the two women. Both occupants are fit and well after their ordeal,” Thornes said. “However, we would issue cautionary advice about tackling intruders. Anyone who suspects they have an intruder in their house should ring 999 immediately.”

After the sentencing, Dick said: “I don’t feel like a hero and my body doesn’t feel like a hero. I was acting on instinct to protect my mother.”

Hmmm…

Two women were certainly brave,
The outcome could have been grave,
They captured a thief,
He suffered some grief,
It’s nothing that he would have craved.

The women went into quick action,
To their ultimate satisfaction,
They used a rolling pin,
Across his bony shins,
Falling was the guy’s reaction.

They then pinned him to the hard floor,
Then he could not steal anymore,
He was held for the cops,
They pulled out all the stops,
He didn’t know what was in store.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/20/Burglar-gets-after-homeowner-daughter-beat-him-with-rolling-pin-pan/UPI-87821392924946/#ixzz2tueevG00

Racy Ratings Rile Rejects


There’s a new dating app available now. It’s causing quite a stir.

Lulu lets women anonymously rate and share secrets about men.

It has about a million users.

Apparently, it’s upsetting both sexes.

 You log into the app through Facebook. If it recognizes that you’re a man, it automatically kicks you out.

However, if you’re a woman, it allows you to post reviews of men.

You can even assign a guy key phrases like “#HotStuff,” “#Dudecancook”.

There are other phrases which I won’t reveal since this is a “G” rated blog.

Some users  think it’s an easy way to take the guesswork out of dating.

Others people believe the app’s perverted . They say it demeans men as well as the women who use it.

What do you think?

 This news item was found at:

http://us-mg6.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=6je6u3ssg8a3q

 

Hmmm….

An app where all men get kicked out?

I’d like to know what that’s about.

They just let the girls,

Give it a whirl,

How did they get all that clout?

 

The women objectify men,

They do it again and again,

The men have no say,

The women just play,

Maybe it’s about time, Amen!

 

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved.

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