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Cautious Cultural Contact


colleagues pic

Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor

PITTSBURGH—

In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.

“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.

“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/trailblazing-colleague-makes-historic-contact-with,36311/

Hmmm…

He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.

He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.

The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.

Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?

There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.

It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

Raise Raises Rebellion


Replaceable Man

Single Most Replaceable Person In Company Will Walk If He Doesn’t Get Raise

WAUKEGAN, IL—

Though he has limited skills and performs his job adequately at best, the single most replaceable person at Lucas Research Associates announced Monday that he will resign immediately if he does not receive the salary increase he has demanded.

“I walked into [department supervisor Eric] Shaw’s office and told him I get a 10 percent raise or I’m out of here,” said Stanley Morgenstern, 37, who according to company sources holds a position that would immediately draw hundreds of equally qualified applicants were it to become vacant.

“I am not bluffing. If they say no, that’s it—I’m gone.” At press time, reports confirmed that negotiations had ended with Morgenstern agreeing to stay on for two weeks in order to train his replacement.

Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/single-most-replaceable-person-in-company-will-wal,36177/

Hmmm…

Morgenstern wants a big raise,
He’s not satisfied with mere praise,
He’s willing to quit in just days,
His boss, Mr. Shaw was not phased.

Currently he’s not content,
He’s looking to get ten percent,
But how will he pay the rent,
If the company will not relent?

He can be replaced in a flash,
He’ll be gone with no increase in cash,
Quitting sounds extremely rash,
He shouldn’t have started that clash.

He’ll stay on to train someone new,
And show them just what they should do,
His options are now very few,
He’ll end up in the unemployed queue.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

You’re Fired!


Aviva, an international investment firm accidentally sent a, “You’re fired!” email to 1,300 of its workers. They quickly corrected the error.

Hmmm…

There once was a girl who was hired,

Shortly after she found herself fired,

It was a mistake,

What a fortunate break,

It’s a job that she really desired.

Your HORRORscope For Today


 ARIES…Be sure to choose wisely when you pick a non-extradition country.

TAURUS… Don’t go green today. Wait until March 17th.

GEMINI… Stay calm. Don’t be a two faced, two headed, dual personality type again today You’ll sell that house to an unsuspecting dupe who thinks sinkholes are only found on pool tables.

CANCER… Stay close to your loved ones, if you can find any. Let’s face it, you’ve been a real jerk lately, especially to those barnyard animals who look up to you.

LEO…Keep that truss handy, the weight of the world is increasing.

VIRGO… Watch out for condiments. Today could be the day when your past ketchups to you.

LIBRA…Stop thinking about it. You two are as compatible as fire and water.

SCORPIO…So, you’re worried  about those wrinkles. One good roll in the mud and they’ll be invisible.

SAGITTARIUS… That dream you had was a message. Go ahead. Answer another spammers promise of untold wealth. What have you got to lose?.

CAPRICORN…Wear sensible shoes with thick, wide heels. That cheesecake you ate just married your thighs.

AQUARIUS… Forbidden love is good, but stop hiding those chocolates in your underwear.

PISCES…Stop cussing about the cusp. Take action today on that decision you’ve been putting off. It will be over in seconds. It’s only six floors to the street.

Remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, Your Horoscope For Today:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

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