Raise Raises Rebellion
Single Most Replaceable Person In Company Will Walk If He Doesn’t Get Raise
WAUKEGAN, IL—
Though he has limited skills and performs his job adequately at best, the single most replaceable person at Lucas Research Associates announced Monday that he will resign immediately if he does not receive the salary increase he has demanded.
“I walked into [department supervisor Eric] Shaw’s office and told him I get a 10 percent raise or I’m out of here,” said Stanley Morgenstern, 37, who according to company sources holds a position that would immediately draw hundreds of equally qualified applicants were it to become vacant.
“I am not bluffing. If they say no, that’s it—I’m gone.” At press time, reports confirmed that negotiations had ended with Morgenstern agreeing to stay on for two weeks in order to train his replacement.
Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/single-most-replaceable-person-in-company-will-wal,36177/
Hmmm…
Morgenstern wants a big raise,
He’s not satisfied with mere praise,
He’s willing to quit in just days,
His boss, Mr. Shaw was not phased.
Currently he’s not content,
He’s looking to get ten percent,
But how will he pay the rent,
If the company will not relent?
He can be replaced in a flash,
He’ll be gone with no increase in cash,
Quitting sounds extremely rash,
He shouldn’t have started that clash.
He’ll stay on to train someone new,
And show them just what they should do,
His options are now very few,
He’ll end up in the unemployed queue.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Humorous Interludes by Ron Yarosh 
Cautious Cultural Contact
Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor
PITTSBURGH—
In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.
“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.
“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table
Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/trailblazing-colleague-makes-historic-contact-with,36311/
Hmmm…
He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.
He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.
The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.
Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?
There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.
It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.
© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved
Share this:
Like this:
Category:
News, Poerty
Tagged with: