Finding The Humor In Life|A Place for Laughs|Poetry|Humorous Stories…


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“The elephant never travels without its trunk.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

 

Hello fellow space travelers.

Ready for another week of perilous predictions?

I hope so.

We’ve worked our tails off to find the latest interpretations of the celestial sphere and its machinations to provide you with an exclusive look into the future.

We hope it helps you endure.

In any case, enjoy…

Aries … The Sun is in Aries at this time. It is a bad sign for you. In the distant future, you will write a dissertation on calculations without qualifications. You will then be thrown out of college without a degree of dignity.

Taurus …The Earth is trine with Taurus at this moment. Be careful now. Your enemies wish to reduce you to a simple compound. It could very well be be “Compound W”, for warts.

Gemini …Pluto is digressing at the moment. That isn’t favorable for you. In the distant future, you will become infamous when you hatch a Peeping Tom from a chicken egg. Then, the public will discover it was a hoax and you will be scorned, and perhaps scorched.

Cancer …The Earth is in opposition to Cancer at this time. That portends something bad. In the distant future, will do research on dreadnoughts or, the Dread-Scott Decision. Either way, it will be dreadful for you.

Leo … The Sun is on the cusp of Leo now. In the not too distant future, you will buy some spandex for a spaniel in the span of a few minutes. However, the dog will bite you, giving you a case of rabies.

Virgo …Venus is rising now after a long nap. This foretells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will find a dime in slime just in time to see a crime. But, you will be accused of the criminal act and be arrested. Sorry.

Libra …Neptune is in its fifth house decorating for the holidays. It’s in a bad mood since half of the lights aren’t working. That’s bad for you. In the distant future, you will be disappointed when a palm reader won’t read your palm tree after you cross their palm with silver. Too bad because the prediction was going to result in a lot of cash for your your tree.

Scorpio …Mars is having tea with the Mars Rover at this time. This isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will meet an Army Private in a public storage place. He will try to enlist your assistance in a crime against his sergeant. You will decide to help him, but you’ll get caught trying to make the sergeant eat his uniform. You will spend ten days in the brig.

Sagittarius …Jupiter is aligned with Sagittarius now. That isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will become the poster child for “Post-it Notes”. This will prove difficult for you since you will have the tendency to stick to everything and become a nuisance.

Capricorn …Mercury is in its third house now taking a nap. This foretells problems for you. Sometime in the distant future, you will attempt to play soccer in a storage locker with Dennis Miller. You will injure yourself trying to kick the ball resulting in months of physical therapy for a pulled groin muscle. Miller won’t even send you a get well card. How sad.

Aquarius …Saturn is in opposition to Aquarius at this time. This isn’t good for you. In the future, you will travel to Poland to find a pole dancer, but end up with a polecat in your pants. Ouch!

Pisces …Uranus is in its eighth house now due to a septic tank problem. It’s in a foul mood. This isn’t good for you. In the distant future, you will be surprised when you are served spring water with actual (rusty) springs in it.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“A lie can have a life of its own.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


House fire

VERONA, WI—

Despite his best efforts to conceal the damage, area teen, Kyle Towser, confirmed Wednesday that his parents could clearly tell he had a huge house fire while they were away for the weekend.

“I tried to cover it up before they came home by throwing blankets over the worst scorches on the floor and couches, but they could definitely smell smoke on me as soon as they came through the door,” said Towser, adding that what began as a small house fire soon got completely out of control and kept on going until well after 4 a.m.

“I mean, of course they were going to find out: The den, kitchen, and master bedroom are totally destroyed. Plus, the neighbors complained when it really started raging.”

Towser went on to say that his parents were surprisingly understanding since they had house fires when they were kids, too.

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/returning-parents-can-tell-son-had-huge-house-fire,37647/

Hmmm…

Young Towser witnessed a fire,

The situation was dire,

His folks were away,

Not just for the a day,

It was something no one would desire.

 

He tried to cover the mess,

The fire caused him some stress,

Would mom and dad yell?

When detecting the smell?

It was anybody’s guess.

 

His parents took it quite well,

They had their own story to tell,

Of fires they had,

They weren’t so sad,

They had their own flames to quell.

 

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“There is no relaxing when there’s overtaxing.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“A heart without love is an empty heart.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

Welcome friends.

Once again we present you with this weeks offering of future events.

We studied the celestial charts quite thoroughly.

Unfortunately, the future may not be too pleasant for most of you.

The predictions range between spoiled leftovers and itching powder.

All in all, it’s not too promising.

Oh well, I guess we just have to live with it.

Enjoy…

Aries … Uranus is in opposition now. That’s not good. In the future, a left-handed person will soon become your “right hand man” and serve you tainted leftovers.

Taurus …Neptune is in its third house now having the carpets cleaned after a party. That indicates trouble. Be extra careful. Your enemies are planning to exfoliate you using foliage.

Gemini … Mercury is on the cusp of Gemini at this time. That portends something bad. In the distant future, will become the Ambassador to Itchtenberg, a very small European Country. (It’s not even on the map.) It’s known for making potent, itching powder. You may just scratch yourself into oblivion.

Cancer …The Moon is in opposition to Cancer now. That’s not good for you. In the distant future, you will become involved in re-writing a long, drawn out theses, or falling into some feces. Either way it will stink.

Leo … The Sun is trine with Leo now. That foretells bad luck. In the distant future, you will become a tree surgeon. You later will be sued when you amputate the wrong limb.

Virgo … Saturn is rising now. Not good. In the not too distant future, you will only surf on Google, while wearing gaudy goggles. Your friends and family will ridicule you.

Libra … Mars is descending at this time. This foretells problems for you. In the distant future, will insist that you need a Seeing Eye dog to check the blind spots in your car while you are driving. You will ne denied.

Scorpio … The Earth is on the cusp of Scorpio now. This foretells problems for you. In the distant future, you will write a book called, “How To Ricochet For Fun And Profit”. Unfortunately, it will not bring you any fun, or profits, just misery and pain.

Sagittarius … Mercury is trine with Sagittarius at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will drink a tainted daiquiri, or be involved in medical quackery. Either way, it won’t be a happy ending.

Capricorn … Venus is in opposition to Capricorn now. That isn’t too good for you. In the not too distant future, you will awaken to discover that your shins are shunning you.

Aquarius … Pluto is trine with Aquarius at this time. That portends trouble for you. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to hyphenate you.

Pisces … Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. This spells trouble for you. Be careful. Your enemies are planning to trap you between two parentheses. What’s the answer to that dilemma? Check with Dennis Miller. He may suggest a way out for you.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“If life gives you lemons, make sure they are organic. Then, trade them for limes and tequila.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014. 

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Perfect beauty can be found in perfect love.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

Hello again, my fellow celestial gazers.

Your weekly HORROR-Scope is ready.

It brings you a “heads up” on what’s in store for you in the future.

It ranges from coroners to coal tunnels.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Earth is trine with Aries now. This is not good. In the distant future, you will experience turbulence while wearing a turban in Turkey. It will give you a bad case of vertigo.

Taurus… Venus is on the cusp of Taurus now. This spells trouble. In the distant future, you will become a resident of a previous president. Unfortunately you will merely be a lowly servant working in the kitchen peeling potatoes and eating table scraps.

Gemini …The Moon is in opposition to Gemini at this time. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to hide your favorite remote in a remote area. You may never find it. But, while searching the north woods, you will have an encounter with Bigfoot, which won’t end well.

Cancer … Pluto is in its second house meeting with an exterminator again over a flea problem. This means trouble for you. In the near future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to call the County Coroner whenever you reach a dead end road. You will later be arrested for harassing phone calls.

Leo… The Sun is trine with Leo now. Not good! Soon you will ask yourself the question, “When night falls, and there’s no one there to see it, will it make a noise?” You will never find the answer and fall into a deep depression.

Virgo… Venus is descending now. This isn’t too good. In the not too distant future, you will meet a burley, backwoods character in your front yard. It could be Dennis Miller in disguise. He will swindle you out of your chainsaw.

Libra… Neptune is in opposition to Libra at this time. This portends something bad. Not too long from now, you will travel to Poland in search of a stolen totem pole. You will not find it, but you will fall in love with a Polish, coal miner who will take you to the depths of depression in a coal tunnel.

Scorpio…Saturn is rising now. This is not good for you. In the distant future, you will approach an altar in an altered state. It will not end well when you marry the frog you licked.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is in opposition to Sagittarius now. This isn’t good. In the future, you will be known (and dreaded) for your constant question in every situation, “What’s all the hubbub about?” Eventually, everyone’ll shun you and, you will go into hiding.

Capricorn… Mars is in its fifth house now, cleaning the windows. Not good. You will lead a very colorful life after you eat a box of 48 Crayola crayons. You will then have the urge to be boxed in a Crayola carton.

Aquarius… Mercury is in its third house now interviewing some potential renters. Be cautious now. Your enemies are planning to fold you like an origami figure.

Pisces… The Moon is trine with Pisces now. Be extra careful. Your enemies are planning to cram you into some crannies.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2014 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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