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horoscope chart

Here we go again folks.

As we whirl through space, the effects of the Celestial Sphere are aimed right at you.

Please don’t be saddened or discouraged.

Things may be better next week, or not.

Some of you may even make a little cash in the near future.

Good luck.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is rising and is in opposition to Aries. After many months of research, you will write a bestseller called, “Cooking With Unctions”.

Taurus…Pluto is descending, and on the cusp of Taurus. You will be ostracized by friends, family, and co-workers when you speak to others using only prepositions.

Gemini… The Earth is trine and fine with Gemini now. Have your trunk ready. Soon you will pack for a pachyderm in Pakistan.

Cancer… Mercury is hotter than ever now. Your ear canals will be surprised when two fully loaded barges try to enter.

Leo… Neptune is in its fifth house hiding out from some bill collectors. Carry a first aid kit at all times. Your enemies are planning to drop ship you.

Virgo… Saturn is in its second house talking to some renters about mowing the lawn. Get out the Murphy’s Oil soap. You will soon experience a waxy buildup on your body.

Libra… Mars is in opposition to Libra right now. A new relationship will have its ups and downs when you date a yoyo, or Dennis Miller.

Scorpio… The Sun is square with Scorpio and on its cusp. Pucker up friends. You will soon buy some rhubarb from a barber near the Barbary Coast.

Capricorn… Uranus is falling at the moment. This could be dangerous. Soon your life will be hectic, involving an antiseptic.

Sagittarius… The Moon is square with Sagittarius at this time. Soon, you will cook over a campfire in Cucamonga. Hopefully, the police will rescue you before you get too tender.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its eight house polishing the silverware. Get ready for this, if that’s even possible. You will soon be rectified, modified, and/or justified.

Pisces… Saturn is square with Pisces at the moment, but wishes it was trine. Your enemies are plotting to take your blood pressure…and not return it.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


horoscope chart

Good day sunshine.

The Earth says, “Hello”.

It also wants the twenty dollars you borrowed from it three weeks ago.

It’s time for another week of non-profit prognostications from your friends at Horror-Scope Central.

Things are a bit more settled down this week, after an accumulation of allergic aberrations.

Hopefully this week’s predictions will be more tolerable, or not.

Enjoy…

Aries… Mercury is square and descending at the moment. It’s almost too much to handle. We hope your Karate skills are sharp. Soon you will be attacked by a hack in Hackensack.

Taurus…The Sun is trine with Taurus and is uncomfortable about it. Make sure you have a current passport. In the near future, you will be very busy. You will eat Yoplait then yodel while spinning a yoyo in Yokohama.

Gemini… The Moon is on the cusp of Gemini now. You poor dear. Soon you will become a deer in the headlights of life.

Cancer… Uranus is upset after losing money in the US Stock Market. Be cautious at this time. Your enemies are plotting against you. They plan to conceal you in a confinement center with Dennis Miller.

Leo… Jupiter is in apogee now and is loving it. We see a throne in your future. You will soon have an argument with your colon. It will win out in the end.

Virgo… Neptune is rising after a short nap. We’re certainly not lying when we say; soon you will write a bestseller called, “Vying For Viaducts and Violins”.

Libra… The Earth is in its fifth house spraying for pesky bugs. Get ready for this if you can. You will soon portend, pretend, and extend yourself.

Scorpio… Mars is square with the cusp of Scorpio. You will soon become the center of attention when you write a bestseller called, “Fun With Funnels”.

Sagittarius… Saturn is in its second house looking for loose change for the Laundromat. This may be a stretch, but soon you’ll yearn to build a home out of yarn. We think the address will be knit one, pearl two, Wool Street.

Capricorn… Pluto is in conjunction with Capricorn and isn’t too sure what to do about it. You will soon give your autograph to someone. They will run off with it. Later the police will call you and tell you they found it in a dumpster.

Aquarius… Venus is upset with Mars over some unpaid debts and for some unknown reason, wants to take it out on Aquarians. In the future, you will become famous for you recipe for Machu Picchu pea soup, but you will then be sued when it produces botulism.

Pisces… The Earth is in its fifth house, and trine with Pisces now. You will star in your own food Network TV show called, “Cooking With Ambiguity”.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


horoscope chart

Hello, fellow space travelers.

Perhaps you noticed a giant sneeze emanating from space this week.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t hear it.

We did, but it’s our job to watch for events like that in the Celestial Sphere.

Our team of crack analysts quickly determined the cause.

It’s allergy season in space, and just like some of us, the planets and orbs which influence our lives, suffer from the pains and discomfort of allergies.

Of course, their situations directly affect us here on Earth, as you will see.

Enjoy, and grab a box of tissues.

Aries… The Sun has just produced another giant flare as an allergic response to gamma rays. Soon you will see that in the blink of an eye, will suddenly become allergic to your eye lids.

Taurus… The Moon is in crescent, and crusty from an eye allergy. You will soon be shocked to discover that your allergies will soon include contact with electric eels.

Gemini… Pluto is itchy from flea bites again. Here’s the latest buzz. Soon you will break out in hives when you see a honey bee.

Cancer… Neptune just discovered it’s allergic to space dust. Get out the Benadryl. You will soon scratch yourself to exhaustion when pesky pollen penetrates your pores, or when you listen to the Dennis Miller radio show.

Leo… Venus has been diagnosed with an allergy to ion radiation. Stay calm and don’t get over excited. You will soon lose sleep from itchiness after you lie in a bed of rag weed.

Virgo… Saturn is whining over an allergy related to black holes. When you need it most, you will soon discover that your EpiPen cannot be used for correspondence.

Libra… Mars has just become allergic to the vacuum of space. Get out the heavy weaponry. Call out the National Guard. You will suddenly experience an asthma attack.

Scorpio… Mercury is suffering from nausea due to solar radiation. You may want to look hip, but you will soon realize that a wasp sting is in no way, bling.

Sagittarius… The Earth has runny eyes from the sulfur spewing out of all those active volcanoes. Soon, you’ll be better off fasting. Your allergies to food will cause a bad mood and will make you rude, with a rotten attitude.

Capricorn… Jupiter is having asthma problems from something floating in the solar wind. Soon, you will suddenly develop an allergy to cologne made in Cologne. It will turn you into stone.

Aquarius… Uranus is having a bad time with its allergy to meteorites. In the near future, you will become allergic to cat hairs, grizzly bears, fox lairs, and things in pairs.

Pisces… Mars has just become allergic to the vacuum of space. We feel bad for you. Soon, it will be a dirty shame when you discover you are allergic to water.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


SEATTLE –

The Seattle mayor’s office apologized for a news release mourning the death of a community advocate who turned out to be alive and well.

Mayor Ed Murray’s press secretary, Rosalind Brazel, emailed a news release Thursday featuring the mayor’s comments on the death of Jim Diers, a “former Seattle Department of Neighborhoods Director and community advocate,” KIRO-TV, Seattle, reported Friday.

“I’m very saddened by the death of Jim Diers,” the news release quoted the mayor as saying. “He was an innovator in bringing communities together and made a significant contribution to the foundation that makes Seattle special. His work with neighborhoods was passionate and progressive. His service to this city was unmeasurable. My thoughts go out to the Diers family. He will be missed.”

However, Brazel sent out a second email 29 minutes later with “CORRECTION” written in the subject line.
“The Mayor’s office was mistakenly informed of the death of Jim Diers,” Brazel wrote. “He is alive and well.”

Read more @ http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/28/Seattle-mayor-mourns-still-living-community-leader/UPI-81541393612606/#ixzz2ulFVKXUp

Hmmm…

A Mayor said a man was dead,
That is what the press release said,
The news story then quickly spread,
But the guy was alive instead.

The Mayor said the man would be missed,
His accomplishments made a large list,
But the story had a Hitchcock twist,
The great man did not cease to exist.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/02/28/Seattle-mayor-mourns-still-living-community-leader/UPI-81541393612606/#ixzz2ulFVKXUp


horoscope chart

Hello fellow Horror-scope followers.

I see you are back for another weekly reading compliments of Horror-scope Central.

Our crack staff has compiled its latest readings of the celestial sphere to provide you with the best worst prognostications available anywhere.

We hope you don’t suffer too much.

If you do, just remember we are here to support you in your hour of need, or not.

Enjoy…

Aries… Soon, you will seek the advice of a balloon artist, then you will come to blows with him.

Taurus… You will soon meet someone named Buster who will fluster you with a floozy from Flushing.

Gemini… You will soon have a tendency to be tentative.

Cancer… In the near future, you will leave everything behind. You will go to Africa and join a diatribe.

Leo… In the future, you will have the urge to buy a seeing eye dog for some Venetian Blinds.

Virgo… In the not too distant future, you will gain fame and fortune for your cookbook called, “Cooking With Cuckoos”.

Libra… In the future, your design for clothing made of vegetable matter will be a success, however your customers will be molested by roving bands of vegans.

Scorpio… You will soon be vulgar on the Volga while reciting Voltaire.

Sagittarius… Soon you will be accused of improper verbiage by a Virgo.

Capricorn… You will soon have the urge to incinerate anyone who Insinuates.

Aquarius… You will soon suffer from nighttime glare in the cold nighttime air or a scare from Dennis Miller.

Aquarius… Soon, you will cook over a campfire in Cucamonga. Hopefully, the police will rescue you before you get too tender.

Pisces… In the not too distant future, a mutant from Munich will mute you.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


Men's Curling Gold Medal Match Between Canada And Norway

Canadians Sledders
Strange Olympic Uniforms: Wacky Outfits

The HuffingrtonPost

The Winter Olympics isn’t just about the sports: fashion plays a huge role in the Games.

It’s an event where teams get outfitted by famous fashion designers , where judges have been known to be swayed by figure skaters’ pretty outfits and where costumes are carefully scrutinized and often ripped apart by critics, as Team USA recently found out.

It’s also an event where athletes can have a lot of fun with their style as Team Mexico’s only skier recently proved when he showed off his mariachi-inspired uniform complete with black bolero jacket and ruffled tuxedo shirt.

Sometimes, as the Canadian bobsled team recently showed us, they need not wear anything at all.

To celebrate the 2014 Winter Olympics, we take a look at the creative and strange uniforms of Olympics past and present.

Found @:

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/01/28/strange-olympic-uniforms_n_4682488.html

Hmmm…

A guy wears loud pants while he’s curling,
His teammates pants were all unfurling,
The pic made my mind ago a whirling,
I thought that I would be then hurling.

The Canadians were almost bare,
In that ice cold wintry air,
They did it without a care,
Inviting many a stare.

Who designs such weird attire,
And then sells it to a clothes buyer?
Should the outfits be thrown in the fire?
Should the strange concepts then be retired?

It’s all about custom designs,
To last through the games daily grind,
If they’re weird should you really mind?
Or say nothing and be extra kind.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


horoscope chart

Hi there friends.

It’s time for another look into the future.

The past is now behind us and It’s very upset because it couldn’t catch up.

We are stuck in the present, and to make matters worse, it’s an unwrapped present.

Oh well, I guess we have to keep marching on.

Good luck and have a great life.

Here is your Horror-scope for this week.

Aries… Neptune is angry with Aries because he left cracker crumbs in bed again. Someone wants to cherish you forever…by putting you in plastic resin.

Taurus… Soon Jupiter will align with Mars but won’t be happy about it. Be on the alert. Some people will try to void you, others will try to avoid you. Some will ask you to listen to Dennis Miller.

Gemini… Your Gemini moon is in retrograde again. You will become confused and tell everyone you meet, that The Game of Thrones involves toilet fixtures.

Cancer… Your stars have crossed in an illegal manner and have been ticketed by the Solar Police. You will have the uncontrollable urge to tighten a loose woman.

Leo… Libra’s trine with wine but prefers sherry. You will put so much fiber into your body that you will become a place mat for your table.

Virgo… A Virgo moon is on the cusp of Jupiter and Neptune Your next haircut will end in shear madness.

Libra… Leo is in opposition to your mooning in Miami. You will soon suffer from sulphur while taking a selfie.

Scorpio… Scorpio is on the cusp of The Moon. You will write a bestselling book called, “Cooking With Cobwebs”.

Sagittarius… Sagittarius is on the cusp of The Sun and is about to go into retrograde. You will date a clown, then become a ringmaster in a flea circus.

Capricorn… Pluto’s alignment at the auto center tells us that in the future you will be shocked to see your electrolysis bill.

Aquarius… Your stars have crossed their legs again. Your enemies are planning to involve you in a chain reaction.

Pisces… The Earth is trine with the square of Orion. You will be thrown out of a cabinet makers office when you ask for a stool sample.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.


drone

Sen. Feinstein calls for regulation after drone spies on her through window

“This is a whole new world now and it has many complications.”

March. 17 (UPI) –

During an interview on CBS’ 60 Minutes as part of a segment on the growing controversy surrounding the use of drones for law enforcement as well as commercial and private enterprise, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif. called for the federal government to regulate unmanned aerial vehicles, describing privacy concerns associated with drones as “very, very major.”

The Senator shared a personal experience: “I’m in my home and there’s a demonstration out front. And I go to peek out the window and there’s a drone facing me.”

The 60 Minutes segment, “Drones Over America,” evokes a sci-fi cityscape, the sky above abuzz with unmanned aerial vehicles — taking bird’s eye photos, shooting video, delivering packages, even medevac’ing patients.Not to mention enforcing the law.

“This is a whole new world now and it has many complications,” Senator Feinstein said. “When is a drone picture a benefit to society? When does it become stalking? When does it invade privacy? How close to a home can a drone go?” she asked.

Feinstein has been a supporter of the NSA’s surveillance programs in the past. Her concern about drones invading privacy echoes her recent concerns about government espionage, in the immediate wake of her heated head to head with the CIA last week, in which Feinstein accused the agency of spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee.

Congress and the FAA have already passed a bill to welcome commercial drones to the U.S. by 2015, and some people think that’s not soon enough. The FAA released its first drone “roadmap” last November.

Unmanned aerial vehicles have a growing presence in the military and in law enforcement, but no one knows quite yet what the reality of having a sky full of UAVs will be like.

“And the question is,” Senator Feinstein asks, “how does it all get sorted out? What is an appropriate law enforcement use for a drone? When do you have to have a warrant? When don’t you have to have a warrant? What’s the appropriate governmental use for a drone?”

The Senator’s answer?

“It’s going to have to come through regulation, perhaps regulation of size and type for private use. Secondly, some certification of the person that’s going to operate it. And then some specific regulation on the kinds of uses it can be put to.”

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2014/03/17/Sen-Feinstein-calls-for-regulation-after-drone-spies-on-her-through-window/3011395087011/#ixzz2wLrD7ne5

Hmmm…

What do we do about drones?
Their numbers have really grown,
Will they be as prolific as cell phones?
Diane spoke in worried tones.

Will they monitor each one of us,
When in our cars or in a bus?
It’s causing a lot of fuss,
Who is it we have to trust?

Should the government keep on spying,
Then when asked, they keep on lying?
And continue with denying?
It is something we’re not buying.

It is something complicated,
And it now must be debated,
Cause we are quite aggravated,
Some in fact are agitated.

Looks like we need some new laws,
With a specific drone law clause,
Drones may be the one last straw,
And it’s stiffening our jaws.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


Tweeter

A Los Angeles man was arrested for allegedly offering to shoot someone for 100 retweets.

March. 14 (UPI) –

A Los Angeles man who allegedly offered to shoot someone in exchange for 100 re-tweets and then post the results on Twitter, was arrested when police were able to trace the account back to his home.

Dakkari Dijon McAnuff was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of making criminal threats.

A tweet from the @StillDMC account, which has since been taken down, showed a picture of a rifle pointed down at a street accompanied by a caption reading, “100 [retweets] and I’ll shoot someone walking.”

When police arrived at the 20-year-old’s home, they discovered an air rifle.

He was being held on $50,000 bail and either posted it, or got access to the Internet in jail.

Read more:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/03/14/Los-Angeles-man-arrested-for-allegedly-offering-to-shoot-someone-for-100-retweets/5161394801386/#ixzz2vxD98Mem

Hmmm…

Man threatens others for re-tweets,
Cops got him later on their beat;
He wasn’t so nice,
Please take my advice,
It’s something he should never repeat.

Why shoot someone for recognition?
That’s really a psycho condition;
Be kind toward all folks,
Just smile; tell some jokes,
Engage in a little cognition.

He was caught for making some threats,
Would he do it is anyone’s bet;
He was holding a rifle,
And that is no trifle,
Now the guy is under arrest.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


horoscope chart

This week the world will celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

It’s the day when everyone becomes Irish.

The staff at your Horror-scope is green with envy over all those Irish folks out there.

We will have the traditional celebration with green beer, pickles and Irish soda bread.

The celestial sphere is in tune as well, predicting events in line with the holiday.

You can bet your brogue that you will survive this week and be the better for it.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is rising now but will be reclining later in the week. You will awaken to find yourself a large, green float in a St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Taurus… The Earth is in perigee now but wishes it was in apogee. You will be conned by a leprechaun from Connecticut.

Gemini… Mars is on the cusp of Gemini now. You will have a colorful St. Patrick’s Day when you fall into a vat of green beer.

Cancer… Mercury is square with Cancer at the moment. You will awaken to find yourself in a kettle of Irish stew with nothing to do.

Leo… Neptune is tuning up for a St. Patrick’s Day party. You will soon pay a fortune for a moon rock then realize later that it’s a sham rock.

Virgo… Pluto is sniffing around for a shamrock. You will awaken to find yourself surrounded by the snakes St. Patrick drove out of Ireland.

Libra… Saturn is descending to new lows now. You will catch mononucleosis after kissing the Blarney Stone or Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Scorpio… Uranus is approaching trine with Scorpio. You will awaken to find yourself smoking pot at the end of a rainbow.

Sagittarius… The sun is exceptionally quiet at the moment considering it has a gas problem. You will be given a sheleighly by Donna Shalala.

Capricorn… Saturn is in its seventh house getting ready for a St. Patrick’s Day party. You will lose a gem stone on the Emerald Isle while singing to someone named Pyle.

Aquarius… Uranus is in its ecliptic at the moment and is enjoying it immensely. You will awaken to find yourself engaged in a Gaelic conversation with an Irish wolfhound.

Pisces… The moon is full of itself at the moment. Your enemies are out to decaffeinate you to make Irish coffee for a St. Patrick’s Day party.

And remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved.

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