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astrology

Here we are once again folks with another serving of readings from the Celestial Sphere.

We hope they agree with you, but they probably won’t.

We can’t control the planets any more than the weather forecaster can control the weather.

So, let’s all take it on the chin, and live with it.

What else can we do?

Enjoy.

Aries… You are a clever one. The Moon is in the seventh house repairing a roof leak. In the future, in order to save on car leasing charges for mileage use, you will back up everywhere you go.

Taurus… Apparently you aren’t afraid of heights. Neptune is in opposition at this time. In the future, you will do some house sitting. Unfortunately you will misunderstand the idea of house sitting, and you will fall off the roof after just a few minutes of getting comfy up there.

Gemini… You will seek security. Saturn is rising now and ready to go. You will become a prisoner of your front door, (never moving more than ten feet away from it), when you become overly obsessed with checking to see if it you locked it.

Cancer… Get your water wings ready. Mars is square with Cancer at this time. One day you will swim with the dolphins. Unfortunately it will occur shortly after the ship you are on sinks.

Leo… Hail to the conquering hero. Mercury is descending at this moment. You will inhale a strange substance which will cause you to attack the statue of a local war hero in an attempt to give it a hickey causing you to break two teeth in the process.

Virgo… Ready to play chicken? The Sun is trine with Virgo now. In the near future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to watch rotisserie chickens revolve.

Libra… This could be deadly. Venus is on the cusp of Libra now. Better get some menthol ointment. Soon you will be invited to a celebration. It may just be a surprise autopsy party.

Scorpio… Uranus is in its fifth house fixing a blocked toilet. Whew! In the future, you will go to Dublin and have a great time until someone in a pub does the Irish Jig on your windpipe.

Sagittarius… Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. Maybe you should buy some kind of helmet. Why?  In the future, something will make you smile a lot. It could be the result of some head trauma.

Capricorn… Pluto is rising at this time. You will meet someone named Basil who will try to add spice to your life.

Aquarius… The Earth is in its third house waiting for a roofing contractor. You will become a powerful force in nature when you begin to attract lightning, or Dennis Miller.

Pisces… You must be interested in hard science. The Sun is square with Pisces now. You will have the uncontrollable urge to put certain letters of alphabet soup in the freezer in order to make iced “T”.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


astrology

Welcome once again to your Horror-Scope.

We’ve scoured the charts, and almost scorched them.

One of our staff was a little careless with a magnifying glass in the sun.

But, all is well at Horror-Scope Central.

Here are this week’s prognostications for your planning purposes.

We do all this for you, our loyal and faithful followers.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Sun is trine with Aries now. Are you a joiner? You will soon be involved in an art colony or an ant colony. It could go either way. The charts aren’t clear.

Taurus… The Moon is in transit now. Believe this. In the not too distant future, you will meet a veterinarian faith healer who will give try to sight to your blind mole.

Gemini… Pluto is square with Gemini at this time. You must have a unique sense of humor. In the future, you will laugh out of context at the wrong moments in conversations and at funerals.

Cancer… Venus is on the cusp of Gemini at this time. This could bring a lot of grief. In the future, you will encounter a lot of bleach or some steep bleachers.

Leo… Mercury is descending now. Get yourself some boots. Not too long from now you will muddle in a puddle while you are befuddled.

Virgo… Saturn is in its third house watching Honey Boo Boo. You should be aware. Your enemies are planning to inject you with a sweet, gooey filling. Then they will eat you for breakfast with coffee.

Libra… Neptune is in its second house having new carpet installed. We hope you aren’t acrachnophobic. In the near future, you will have the uncontrollable urge to watch a spider eat a fly.

Scorpio… Uranus is in retrograde at this time. Dream on. In the distant future you will have fun watching the clouds go by until you realize you are falling toward the earth without a parachute. Then you will awaken to find yourself on board an aircraft in trouble.

Sagittarius… Mars is in apogee at the moment. We’re sorry to report this prophecy. Sometime in the near future, you will find yourself living in a car, only to be evicted by a repo company.

Capricorn… The Earth is on the cusp of Capricorn now. Maybe you should stay away from all medical people for a while. In the near future, you will be depressed by a tongue depressor.

Aquarius… Mercury is trine with Aquarius. Let’s hope you like heavy equipment. In the future, you will have the urge to buy ear plugs when you decide to date a boom operator.

Pisces… Jupiter is aligned with Mars now. Put your thinking cap on. You will soon try to devise a way to become divisive, kind of like Dennis Miller.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


astrology

Hello again friends of the unknown, the known, and the semi-known not be confused with the semi-unknown. You know what we mean.

We have been working on this week’s charts feverishly.

In fact, we were so hot, we had to take cold showers.

We have been busy measuring time and space with our exclusive time and space gauges made of space age materials.

We give you our best interpretations, which by the way, are “dead on”, for your living pleasure (if pleasure is even possible) in the coming weeks and months.

In any case, come what may, enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in opposition to Aries at this time. Can you feel it? Brace yourself. In the future, you will embrace a brace with dignity and grace.

Taurus… Mercury is in its fifth house having some new kitchen appliances installed. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to send you to a cannery for pickling.

Gemini… Venus is square with Gemini now but wants to be elliptical. We certainly pity you. You poor dear. In the near future, you will fear the blogosphere. It could hurt your career. So watch which way you steer.

Cancer… Saturn is in its seventh house getting ready for a poker night with some asteroids. Stay away from shelled peanuts. You will have a recurring nightmare where you will be trampled by The Elephant Man, or a grossly overweight Dennis Miller. It isn’t clear at this time.

Leo… Mars is descending at this moment. It will hit bottom soon. In the future, you will get tired quickly after this endeavor. You will tell your inner most secrets to an inner tube near an intersection.

Virgo… Pluto is going to the vet this week. In the near future, you will find a throbbing heart in a shopping cart in the heart of a city.

Libra… Neptune is in its third house having the swimming pool resurfaced. In the distant future, you will find a darling dolly on an abandoned trolley not too far from a trollop holding a tulip.

Scorpio… The Earth is trine with Scorpio now but wants to be square. Someone wants to have some words with you. Not long from now, you will have the compulsion to insure your entire vocabulary with Lloyds of London.

Sagittarius… The Moon is on the cusp of Sagittarius this week. Watch your step. You will win a free trip to Hawaii, but your vacation will be ruined when you are viciously attacked by a gang of roving pineapples.

Capricorn… The Sun is in its seventh house interviewing a new cleaning lady. You won’t get very far with this. In the future, you will try to surf on sound waves, but you will fall when you trip over a decibel.

Aquarius… Jupiter is rising now and on the cusp of Aquarius. This one’s for the birds. You will soon find a safe haven with a raven near New Haven.

Pisces… Pluto is square with Pisces now. You will soon say bye bye to a bystander using binoculars to gaze upon binary numbers.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


astrology

Hello friends of the future.

Once again we are serving you a plethora of portents.

The charts indicate something unusual and spectacular.

The planets are aligned just right.

We haven’t seen these kind of readings in years.

Hold on to your hats.

Looks like all of you will become famous authors.

So, get your writing instruments ready to go.

We hope you won’t forget us at Horror-Scope Central once you are in the money and living the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Enjoy…

Aries… Venus is trine with Aries now, but will soon be on its cusp. Apparently, you will be harboring many, many felines. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Cooking With Hairballs”.

Taurus… Jupiter is aligning with mercury at the moment. There’s a lot of work to do ahead. In the future, you might become rich and famous when you write and produce a horror film called, “The Creeping Underwear”.

Gemini… Saturn is rising now and nearing the cusp of Gemini. We’d like to see the results of this. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “The History of the Future”.

Cancer… Neptune is in retrograde now and doesn’t like it. Get plenty of printer ink. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Recycle Yourself For Fun And Profit”.

Leo… Mars is descending while in retrograde status. Wow, this will be a smelly situation. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Creative Carcass Carving For Cash”.

Virgo… The Moon is trine with Virgo now. Let there be light. In years to come you will write a bestseller called, “Cooking With Candelabras”.

Libra… The Sun is in opposition to Libra at the moment. Ouch. We can feel your pain. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Belly Flopping For Fun And Profit”.

Scorpio… Pluto is square with Scorpio now and is delighted. This heavenly idea could make you a millionaire. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Choose The Right Divining Rod”.

Sagittarius… Uranus is rising now and is getting nauseous. We’d like to get a copy of this masterpiece. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Put Sizzle In Your Sidekick Or Dennis Miller”.

Capricorn… This could get depressing. Well to be honest, it will get depressing. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Self Loathing For Fun And Profit”.

Aquarius… The Sun is square with Aquarius now. Get you sea legs in shape. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Captain A Ship Of Fools”.

Pisces… Mercury is in its fifth house washing windows. In the not too distant future you will become involved in heavy equipment, prompting you to write a bestseller called, “How To Take The Drudgery Out Of Dredging”.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


Thank you again for following Humorous Interludes.

I am truly grateful!

I’m giving you a big round of applause!

By the way, I just started anther blog. It’s a photo blog.

If you have the time and interest in photos and interesting places, stop by and follow me on my reflections of places and things, here and there.

You can find the latest post @: http://bigron42.com/2014/06/28/salem-massachusetts-part-1/

You can work your way back from that post under “Browse” near the bottom of the page.

Please leave a comment on my photo blog. Tell me what you think. I’m anxious to find out if I’m doing it right.

Thanks again.

Cheers! And, the best to all of you.

Ron


astrology

Welcome friends.

Ready for another week of pain? (Well some of you.)

We have another variety of prognostications for you.

Looks like many of you will become famous authors.

Write on!

And, enjoy the week if that’s possible.

Aries… The Earth is trine with Aries now and it feels good about that. Sorry. This will make a lot of tiring work for you. You will invent and produce, “The Happiness Parade”, but no one will show up for it. Not even you.

Taurus… The Moon is square with Taurus at this time. We are not sure if either prediction will bring you pleasure. You will soon find yourself surrounded by creatures, or preachers. It is unclear at the moment
.
Gemini… Pluto is in its ninth house having new drapery installed. Just between us friends they look horrible. Let’s hope you like eggs. You will write a bestseller called, “Omelet Tossing For Fun And Profit”.

Cancer… Uranus is suffering from a sinus condition at the moment. You may need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor after this. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Creative Screaming”.

Virgo… Venus is deliberating about changing orbit. We don’t know the consequences of that, if it should happen. You may want to invest in a lot of air fresheners. You will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “Fish Licking for Fun And Profit”.

Libra… Mars is laughing like crazy at this time because the rover is in its tickling zone. We’d like to see a copy of your endeavors. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “Fringe Farming For Fun And Profit”. Please let us know how it is going.

Scorpio… Mercury is on the cusp of Scorpio at this time. You may just end up in Egypt doing research for this project. You will write a bestseller called, “How To Make Money Marrying Mummies”.

Sagittarius… Saturn is trine with Sagittarius and also descending now. Poor, poor you. We already feel your pain. In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Live Life In A Rut”.

Capricorn… The Moon is in opposition with Capricorn at this time. In the near future you will witness a quick brown fox jump over a lazy dog. Then the fox will go straight for your throat.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its ninth house changing light bulbs to those new, twisty ones. I guess it wants to go green. You just might lose a lot friends over this (assuming you have any friends). In the future, you will write a bestseller called, “How To Be A Pest With Lemon Zest”.

Pisces… Neptune is tuning up for a celestial concert. We suggest you take slow and even breaths. In the near future, you will awaken to find yourself suspended in thin air which will later change to thick, hot, and humid air that will make you quite uncomfortable. Then you will vomit on Dennis Miller.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


astrology

Greetings lovers of the future.

We offer you another round of prognostications on topics ranging from pentagrams to the Post Office.

We urge you to be on the alert when necessary.

The planets are prone to plotting predicaments for us.

Enjoy yourselves and have a good week in spite of any future difficulties which may come your way.

Aries… Mercury is rising now and is getting light headed. In the future you will write a bestseller called, “How To Meander With Mucus”.

Taurus… Uranus is in its fifth house cleaning up after a water leak. In the near future, you will suffer from pent up emotions in a penthouse after drawing pentagrams.

Gemini… Neptune is on the cusp of Gemini at the moment. In the distant future, you will be arrested for socking a Sockeye salmon in Saco, Maine.

Cancer… Venus is in its fourth house polishing the silverware. Get ready to scratch yourself all over. Soon you will become extremely familiar with burlap, and perhaps Dennis Miller wearing a wool suit.

Leo… Mars is square with Leo at this time but wishes to be trine with it for some unknown reason. You should be aware of this. Your enemies are plotting to use you like a doormat.

Virgo… The Earth is in opposition to Virgo at the moment. Get ready for some complaints from everyone you know. You will soon be dependable as a weather forecast.

Libra… The Sun is on the cusp of Libra now. In the near future, you will meet someone completely enchanting named Channing. But, you will soon grow tired of their constant chanting.

Scorpio… Saturn is descending at this time and is worried it won’t stop in time. Be totally aware of everything around you. Your enemies are planning to paint a target on your back.

Sagittarius… Neptune is trine with Sagittarius now. Bring some tissues with you at all times. In the near future, you will bawl in a ballroom after losing a valuable ballpoint pen.

Capricorn… Mercury is in opposition to Capricorn at this moment. You will soon buy a hound’s-tooth jacket infested with fleas. And…it will bark all night, and leave little buttons all over the floor.

Aquarius… Jupiter is in its second house getting it ready for a new renter. This could be serious. Be on the alert. Your enemies are planning to mail you to The Dead Letter Office.

Pisces… Pluto is on the rise right now and ready to go. You will have a confrontation with an unstable stable boy while discussing his instability.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


colleagues pic

Trailblazing Colleague Makes Historic Contact With People Who Work On Other Floor

PITTSBURGH—

In an unprecedented encounter with a culture heretofore shrouded in mystery, Northco Logistics customer service specialist Ryan Barlow reportedly established historic contact Wednesday with the people who work on his office complex’s fourth floor.

“I met this guy Kevin who said they’d been having the same problems with the air conditioner we’ve been having,” said the 28-year-old explorer in reference to the peaceful words of greeting he exchanged in the elevator with an inhabitant of QuestTech Learning Solutions, a meeting that to this point had been considered far too perilous to be undertaken.

“He also said they had some leftover food and cake from his coworker’s birthday and that we could stop by if we wanted. He seemed very friendly.”
Though admitting that no one had yet dared journey so far, the intrepid adventurer then regaled his colleagues with the legend of the remote and uncharted seventh floor, where there was rumored to exist a vast open layout and, according to lore, a ping-pong table

Found @ http://www.theonion.com/articles/trailblazing-colleague-makes-historic-contact-with,36311/

Hmmm…

He met someone from another floor,
Something not seen before,
It wasn’t much of a chore,
He did establish rapport.

He is a history maker,
This company risk taker,
It wasn’t a deal breaker,
But maybe a hand shaker.

The man offered Ryan some cake,
Perhaps while he’s on his break,
An offer he might just take,
There wouldn’t be too much at stake.

Will Ryan do it again?
Risking some personal pain,
For some sociological gain.
Will his friends think him insane?

There are legends of things in that place,
Like floors with vast open space,
Maybe work done at a slower pace,
It’d be nice if that was the case.

It was a major breakthrough,
Something some others may do,
On higher floors with a good view,
Perhaps they’ll meet someone like you.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


astrology

Here we are again good people of Earth.

It’s time for another rendition of Your Horror-Scope brought to you in living color.

It brings a variety of spot on predictions ranging from frogs to bumper stickers.

Isn’t life exciting?

Enjoy…

Aries… Uranus is in its eighth house wondering why it has eight houses. You will soon discover that a sledge hammer can be a real deal breaker.

Taurus… Mercury is nearing its cusp of Taurus and is getting nervous about it for some unknown reason. You will soon encounter some children’s togs, or aggressive frogs. It isn’t quite clear at this time.

Gemini… The Gemini twins are constantly arguing at this time over how to decorate their seventh house. Get your writing instrument ready. In the near future, you will make a fortune after you write a bestseller called, “How To Make Cash From A Rash”.

Cancer… The Moon is trine with Cancer now but wants to be on its cusp for unsavory reasons. You should really pay more attention to your vital organs. Soon your unseen spleen will be mean because it feels you neglect it too much.

Leo… Mars is rising fast and it’s getting dizzy. Get ready for a visit to an ophthalmologist. Soon your eyes will become very itchy, then they will become very twitchy.

Virgo… The Sun is in its fourth house cooking for some dinner guests. Get out a good cook book. You will soon marinate a very unsavory character in your life.

Libra… Venus is trine with Libra but square with itself. You should have some first aid supplies with you at all times. In the near future, you will be mauled in a mall by a mysterious mammal or, Dennis Miller. It could go either way.

Scorpio… Pluto is on the cusp of Scorpio but wishes it was trine. We hope this works out for you in the end. Sometime soon you will experience something inferior in the interior of your posterior.

Sagittarius… Saturn is descending now due to some mild depression. This is one magnificent obsession. One day, you will become obsessed with your idea to find chain smokers by using your metal detector.

Capricorn… Neptune is in its eighth house replacing the dish washer. Be especially alert at this time. Your enemies are planning to dissolve you.

Aquarius… The Moon is square with Aquarius at this time. Someday your cleverness will be apparent. In the future you will publish a bestselling bumper sticker which will say, “My heart belongs to my donor”.

Pisces… Venus is on the cusp of Pisces and is very excited about it for unknown reasons. Get ready for a surprise gift. You will soon get a statuette or an ornery, wet pet. It could go either way.

And, remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved


Sweaty

Warm Weather Finally Allows Man To Get Outside, Explore New Ways To Sweat

CHICAGO—

With the long winter over and summer weather finally arriving, local man Bill Klocek told reporters Thursday that he was glad to finally get out of the house, walk around a bit, and discover entirely new ways to sweat.

“This time of year, there are so many street fairs, farmers markets, and music festivals that offer great opportunities to just drench myself in my own sweat,” said Klocek, who added that he especially looks forward to perspiring heavily at restaurants with outdoor seating, on road trips, at baseball games, and at his parents’ cabin in Lake Geneva, WI.

“There’s really no excuse for avoiding it. Practically all you have to do is step out your front door and you can sweat completely through your shirt. My friend is having a party on his roof deck tonight, so I’m thinking about heading over and feeling sweat drip down my face and back at his place a little later.”
In addition to getting sweaty, Klocek stated that he also plans to set aside a little time this summer to explore entirely new ways to get sunburnt and thirsty.

Found @: http://www.theonion.com/articles/warm-weather-finally-allows-man-to-get-outside-exp,36265/And

Hmmm…

A man wants to make himself sweat,
Imagine the looks he will get,
When he walks in the streets drenching wet.
It’s something I wouldn’t forget.

He’s looking for places to go,
Where his sweaty body will show,
When is sweat glands begin to flow,
Making his foul odor grow.

He want his sweat on his face,
Though it may be a disgrace,
He’ll show up at any hot place,
To sweat he’ll pick up the pace.

There’s something else that he yearns,
He also wants a sun burn,
He’ll follow the sun and he’ll turn,
For redness that he’ll surely earn.

© 2013 Ronald J. Yarosh
All rights reserved

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