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horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good day friends of the future.

I’m happy to announce that this is my 500th post on Humorous Interludes thanks to you all out there!!!

Another week has flown by leaving feathers of frustration in its wake.

Hopefully you endured the wrath of the stars thus far.

This week’s collection will only bring more trouble for you.

If you are up to it, read on.

Aries… Mercury is descending and in opposition to Aries. That always brings trouble. Your enemies are planning to dangle you, or mangle you. Either way, it won’t be a pleasant experience. Sorry.

Taurus… Mars is in its third house now having new flooring installed. The installer found termites. Mars is upset. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will become nauseous and/or cautious over something dreadful. I hope you can cope.

Gemini… Jupiter is in its fourth house now for a scrabble game with its moons. Jupiter is stuck with only vowels. That portends problems for you. In the future, you will meet a hobo named Lobo. You will befriend him. Later you will lend him a large sum of money. He will disappear, and never pay you back. You will become a hobo yourself and ride the rails in search of Lobo who will have become a millionaire (using your money) living in Tahiti.

Cancer… Venus is descending into a profound depression. That always spells trouble. In the future, you will spend many months researching and writing a book called, “How To Gargle For Fun And Profit”. Only a few dentists and a side show performer will buy a copy.

Leo… The Earth is in its ninth house fixing a roof leak. The place is a mess and Leo is upset. That’s always bad. In the future, you will become so weak you won’t even be able to raise your blood pressure. Too bad.

Virgo… Pluto is in its fifth house repairing a sewer problem and it isn’t going well. That will bring you problems. You will try to scam a cereal company by complaining that you found a live platypus in you cereal box. They will have you arrested for fraud. You will serve several months in jail where they will serve the same cereal. Is that Karma or what?

Libra… Neptune is in its fourth house cleaning the toilet. It hates doing that. That isn’t good for you. In the future, you will become so guilt ridden you will confess to beating eggs.

Scorpio… Venus is in retrograde at this time and nearing the cusp of Scorpio. That position always spells trouble. In the future, you will discover someone you know, in Kokomo, who plays the banjo. You will become infatuated with the banjo player only to lose all your money in a pyramid scheme run by the musician.

Sagittarius… The Moon is in Sagittarius now but wants out. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will spend many months researching and writing a book called, “101 Uses For Pneumatic Jaws”. Only a few kinky firefighters, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy.

Capricorn… The Sun is upset because cloud cover obstructs its vision of the Earth. That’s terrible for you. In the future, you will deliberately shock yourself on a Telsa coil to energize your body. It won’t be pleasant. Sorry.

Aquarius… Uranus is in the market for another house. It’s upset over rising prices. That portends problems for you. In the future, you will urge someone you love to name their child after, The Hoover Dam, but they won’t be comfortable with Dam. They will scorn you for the suggestion. Later, they will compromise and name their child, The Hoover Darn.

Pisces… Mars is in its fifth house with an insurance salesman. It isn’t too happy about the increase in home insurance rates. That’s always bad for a Pisces. In the future, you will have an ultrasound, which will fall on deaf ears.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, “The Fortune Cookie”, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“A dark soul produces evil.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good day fellow stargazers and situational appraisers.

Here’s this week’s list of problems for you, courtesy of your solar system and the handy dandy work of two humans.

One is moi, the other is a new comer.

I just added a wonderful and exciting new twist to our weekly endeavor.

It’s none other than the famous (at least in certain parts of France) Madame Mystère, a psychic with credentials that would make the haïr on the back of your neck rise up and salute her.  In fact, she single handily solved the case of the Clever Qumquats.  

So, read on my dear friends and enjoy (if you can).

Aries… Jupiter is aligned with Pluto now and that spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will be given a tranquilizer or an atomizer. In either case, you won’t like the outcome. Sorry about that.

Taurus… Saturn is descending and in opposition to Taurus now. That’s not a good sign. In the future, you will develop pouchy jowls to store food for the winter. You’ll be shunned by friends and co-workers who will think you look odd. They’ll call you “Chippy” (short for chipmunk).

Gemini… The Moon is in Gemini now and it’s going to get hot and uncomfortable. That’s never good. In the distant future, you will get recognition from the Guinness Book for the world’s longest nose hairs. Unfortunately, you will trip over them and sprain your ankle.

Cancer… The Sun is trine and in opposition to Cancer at this time. That’s never a good sign. In the future, you will be burned by a sunflower’s solar flare. Ouch!

Leo… Mercury is in its third house cleaning up after a party. It’s a mess. That will bring problems for you. In the future, you will encounter something generic or something barbaric. In either case it won’t be pleasant. Sorry about that.

Virgo…   Neptune is adjacent to Virgo now, but wants to be trine, (which is a better position). That’s never good. In the not too distant future, you will be thought odd when you try to determine the combination to a warlock. Have fun with that.

Libra… Venus is in its fourth house now polishing the silverware. It hates polishing silverware. That foretells problems for you. In the not too distant future, you will roll your own cigarettes…uphill. You’ll get very tired. You’ll then check yourself into a rest home where you will be molested my mole crickets.

Scorpio… Mars is on the cusp of Scorpio and in opposition. That’s s always a bad sign for you. In the not too distant future, someone will either domesticate you or castigate you. It could be Dennis Miller. You won’t be happy about either attempt.

Sagittarius…The Earth is in its eighth house doing some laundry. It hates doing laundry. That will bring you problems. Someday, you will stub your toes while listening to Stubby Kaye. Ouch!

Capricorn… Uranus is rising now and is grouchy about something. That means trouble for you. In the future, you will get painful sunburn when you grow sunflowers without using any sun blocker.

Aquarius… Neptune is in court over a sexual harassment case involving Venus. It doesn’t look good. That foretells problems for you. In the distant future, your will enemies will try to sugar coat you and feed you to some ants. It won’t be pleasant. Sorry.

Pisces…Pluto is in its fifth house to get shelter from a solar dust storm. The dust is getting in from a broken window. Pluto isn’t happy about that, which portends problems for you. Someday, your relatives will think you creepy when you become engaged to a vampire bat. Let us know how that works out.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

 

 


 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Life can be a rat race, so have lots of cheese on hand.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello friends of the weird and unexpected.

Here we are in the middle of June.

Got your Christmas shopping done?

This week’s pile of predictions runs the gamut.

It would be better if it ran the Boston Marathon, but what can one do?

The charts were rather strange this time.

Then again, aren’t they usually that way?

The prognostications range from chameleons, to toads.

Enjoy your peril if you can.

Aries… Pluto is back in court arguing that it should be renamed a planet. It isn’t going well. That’s bad for you. In the future, you will have a sleepover with just your underwear collection. It will be a sad affair (the underwear will forget to bring the snacks), leading  to a profound depression.

Taurus… Saturn is sad because one of its rings isn’t shiny enough. That’s never a good sign. Someday, you will be convinced that Fractal Economics will solve the world’s problems. The world will think you fractured your mind. Things will look glum for a long while.

Gemini… Mercury is trine with Gemini now, but it want’s to be on the cusp. That portends trouble for you. In the future, you will spend years researching and writing a book called, “How To Nullify For Fun And Profit”. Your book sales will be null. Sorry.

Cancer… The Moon is in Cancer’s seventh house now and Cancer doesn’t like that. That spells problems for you. In the future, you will be reprimanded by a reprobate on probation. It won’t be pleasant. Sorry.

Leo… The Sun is in its fifth house now and is loosing badly in a Monopoly game. That’s never good. In the future, you will spend years researching and writing a book called, “How To Cure Warts By Sleeping With Toads”. Only a few dermatologists will buy a copy, but Dennis Miller will love it. Hmmm.

Virgo… Venus is in its third house cleaning out closets. It hates cleaning closets. That means trouble for you. In the future, you will spend years researching and writing a book called, “Shin Bone Polishing For Fun And Profit”. Unfortunately, only a few archeologists will buy a copy. You will become disjointed over it. Too bad.

Libra… Mars is in its third house trying to write a science fiction novel. It’s not going well. That will bring you trouble. In the future, you will become paranoid after you convince yourself you are being followed by fanatical follicles. You will become a recluse.

Scorpio… Mercury is in its second house having some electrical work done. It is shocked over the cost of the repairs. That will mean trouble for you. In the future, you will become stoned after eating a dozen Rolling Stone magazines. A case of constipation will follow. Sorry about that.

Sagittarius… Uranus is in its eighth house now having it treated for fleas after a visit by Pluto. It isn’t happy about that. In the future, you will do magic tricks for geriatric patients. Unfortunately, they will sleep through it all and soil their diapers. Yuck!

Capricorn… The Earth is in its fifth house now having some dry wall repairs done. The workmen found termites. That’s never good. In the future, you will develop a chameleon skin product to allow people hide anywhere. Unfortunately, customers who use it will suddenly vanish, never to be found. You will be sued and lose everything.

Aquarius… Neptune is aligned with Aquarius now but wants to be in opposition. That’s never good. In the future, you will blog, but only while in the fog. Your computer will short out and you will never publish again. A deep depression will follow.

Pisces… Jupiter is in its fourth house dealing with some ghost ants. That’s always bad for a Pisces. In the future, you will spread baba ganoush all over your body and run naked thru Times Square, New York. You will be arrested by The Mystery Diner Patrol.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Don’t just redecorate your old rut. Get out if it.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


 

horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello my friends.

We here at HORROR-SCOPE Central have been hard at work on this weeks predictions.

They’re as wacky as usual.

This weeks list of chart readings include beards, a spleen, and constipation.

Enjoy…

Aries… The Sun is in Aries now and doesn’t like it. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will arrange a “Meet and Greet” in a meat market. Vegans will boycott it.

Taurus… Mercury is on the cusp of Taurus now, but it doesn’t want to be there. That spells trouble for you. Someday you will write a book called, “How To Pinch In A Pinch”. Unfortunately it won’t sell very well. Only a few Italian men, and Dennis Miller will buy a copy.

Gemini… The Earth is adjacent to Gemini now but wants to be square instead. That’s never a good sign. In the future, you will finally become so coordinated that you will pat you head and rub your stomach at the same time…with hot branding irons. Ouch.

Cancer… The Moon is in opposition to Cancer at this time, Opposition is always a bad sign. In the future, you will start a beard collection. Then you will comb all barbershops in search of them. Shortly after, you will abandon your quest.

Leo… Mercury is in its second house having windows replaced after a meteor storm. It’s not happy about that. That’s not good for you. In the distant future, you will write a book called, ”How To Overcome Your Fear Of Swallowing”. Only a few circus people will buy them.

Virgo… Uranus is trine with Virgo now, but it wants to be adjacent. That’s never good for you. In the future, you will write a book called, ”How To Wallow For Fun And Profit”. It will only be popular with pigs and water buffalo.

Libra… Saturn is descending into a funk now. That’s terrible for you. In the not too distant future, you will suddenly convince yourself that the secret to world domination is constipation.

Scorpio… Mars is approaching the cusp of Scorpio now. It isn’t happy about that for some unknown reason. That portends problems for you. In the future, you’ll be afraid to move about your dwelling when you suddenly develop a fear of drawers.

Sagittarius… Pluto is in its eighth house now playing poker with its moons. It’s loosing badly. That’s not good for you. In the not too distant future, you will write a book called, “How To Polka With Your Hookah While Naked”. It will be banned in all countries of the world.

Capricorn…Jupiter is on the cusp of Capricorn now and approaching square. That’s never a good sign. One day, you will leave your heart in San Francisco…and your spleen too. Sorry.

Aquarius… Neptune is rising to meet Aquarius, but Aquarius isn’t ready for that. Problems will arise because of it. In the future, you will act on your desire to turn all crop circles into squares. You will be arrested for trespassing.

Pisces… Venus is in its fifth house cleaning fish. It hates to clean fish. That’s bad for you. Not long from now, you will open a Mutton Chop Locator Service. Shortly afterwards, you will declare bankruptcy. Sorry.


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Hold your light high, and the world will follow you.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


horoscope chart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, fellow stargazers and field grazers.

Once again we offer you another list of prognostications guaranteed to tickle your fancy or other naughty bits.

This week’s list includes gargling, correction fluid, and a cello.

As usual, things are pretty weird.

Enjoy

Aries… The Moon is in its seventh house having some electrical work done. The wiring isn’t going well. That’s bad for you. In the future, you will start a “Clothing for Animals Foundation”. Unfortunately, a squirrel will sue you when the wool, turtle neck sweater you gave him nearly chokes him to death when it got wet. You will lose everything.

Taurus… Mars is on the cusp of Taurus and it feels bumpy. Mars isn’t happy. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will establish a lycanthrope foundation for wayward werewolves. Unfortunately you will bitten by one of your clients.

Gemini… Mercury is rising after a nap and a bad dream. That’s never a good sign. In the future, your enemies will try to erase your face, but they will only get your nose done when they run out of steel wool.

Cancer… Saturn is nearing the trine of Cancer and is having trouble with that angle. That’s never good. In the future, your enemies will try to amend all your your wrongs by dipping you in a vat of correction fluid. It won’t work. Sorry.

Leo… Jupiter is in its third house interviewing prospective renters. It’s not going well. That spells trouble for you. In the not too distant future, your follicles will become fickle after you eat pickled peppers in a pet parlor.

Virgo… The Earth is adjacent to Virgo now, but in retrograde aspect. That’s not a good sign. In the future, you will be compelled to sing acapella with a fella (Dennis Miller) at Capella University.

Libra… Venus is descending into a funk now. It’s not happy. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will become rich after developing a line of costume jewelry made of animal organs. But, you will be sued by an animal rights organization and lose everything.

Scorpio… Neptune is on the cusp of Scorpio but wants to be trine with it. That’s never good. In the future, you will spend years researching and writing a book called “How To Gargle For Fun And Profit”. You won’t make any money and, you’ll suffer from mildew poisoning from being wet all the time.

Sagittarius… Uranus is trine with Sagittarius but wants to be square again. That’s never good. In the future, you will buy a cello in order to study String Theory. Physicists will mock you.

Capricorn… Pluto is rising from a nap due to fleabites. It’s not happy. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will spend all your money on a scalp-racing scheme only to lose it all in The Scalp Racing Derby held at Dandruff Downs.

Aquarius… Mars is in its third house waiting for a telephone repairman who is days late. That’s not good for you. In the future, you will open a pun shop but it won’t be much fun when you run out of material.

Pisces… The Moon is in Pisces now and it’s waning in a bad vector. That will bring you problems. In the future, you will have an affair with a jackalope. Soon after, it will run off with all your money, and your pet aardvark, Aaron.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Try not to get lost in the milieu of life.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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