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astrology

Hello fellow sky watchers.

Here is your weekly plethora of predictions for your pleasure.

This week’s list includes cattle, trout, and a croissant.

I know it sounds weird, but that’s how the cookie crumbles this week.

Enjoy, and try to persevere. It’s more fun that way.

Aries… Uranus is trine with Aries now. That portends problems. In the future, you will get a ticket for Cattle driving without a license. You will seek the advice of a cowboy who will hog tie you.

Taurus…Mercury is descending at this time. That means trouble for you. In the distant future, you will become a Physical Therapist for “Lame Duck” politicians. They will attempt to swindle you out of all your money. One will succeed.

Gemini… Mars is rising now and is getting light headed. That’s not too good. One day, a cocky kangaroo will kick you after you pickpocket its pouch. It will hurt a lot. Ouch!

Cancer…The Moon is in its eighth house planning its next eclipse. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will try to get your pet trout into the Olympics, but the swim coach won’t go along with it. In fact the team will eat it after a hard days workout.

Leo…Jupiter is aligned with Mars again. That spells trouble. In the far future, you will become weary of a certain fairy while at a dairy. The fairy will milk you for all you are worth.

Virgo…Uranus is in its second house getting it ready for new renters. That could produce a problem for you. One day, you will buy a potbelly stove or a potbelly pig. Either way it will be quite messy, and smelly.

Libra…Saturn is on the cusp of Libra now. That’s too bad. One morning you will awaken, convinced that you are Napoleon Bonaparte. You will immediately rush out and order a café au lait and a croissant. You will then be arrested for being naked in a coffee shop without a permit.

Scorpio…The Sun is square with Scorpio at this time. That spells trouble. Some day, you will open a culinary school for squirrels, but they will drive you nuts and you will close it, losing all of your investment.

Sagittarius …Venus is in opposition to Sagittarius now. Too bad for you. In the distant future, you will decide to spend the rest of your life searching for the brink of dawn. You’ll never find it and you will end up penniless.

Capricorn… Pluto is at the vet’s office now. That portends problems. In the not too distant future, will spend months writing a non-fiction book called “A Year In The Life Of A Pet Rock”. All your notes will say the same thing, “Day One, it’s just sitting there. Day two, it’s still sitting there.” etc. You will finally give up, never noticing that it rocks at night while you are asleep.

Aquarius… Neptune is approaching the cusp of Pisces now. That spells trouble. In the future, will petition the government to establish a National Radiation Day to celebrate the power of the atom, (especially gamma rays). You will be the first to be radiated. Your “half life” will then begin.

Pisces… The Earth is aligned with Pisces now. That portends trouble. In the future, will try to convince the government that they should conduct a Zombie Census. Many politicians will tell you to count them in on it. Shortly after the census, you will be attacked by one of the undead (perhaps Dennis Miller).

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


Originally posted on Ute smile:

Have you had a hug today?

I came across 10 reasons to give more hugs –  I don’t need any reason to hug but this is “scientific”……

1. Hugging induces oxytocin in the body.

2. Hugging builds stronger bonds with people you see every day.

3. Hugging lowers stress.

4. Hugging lowers blood pressure.

5. Hugging is a reciprocal good deed.

6. Hugging feels incredible.

7. Hugging can turn a bad mood upside down.

8. Hugging reconnects the mind with the body.

9. Hugging more makes us better huggers.

10. Hugging cultivates patience.

How many hugs do we need?

4 hugs a day for survival

8 hugs a day for maintenance

12 hugs a day for growth

I am going to have some hugs now………

Wishing you all a wonderful day with lots of hugs and love!

Big cyber hug for you all!

Related articles :

10 reasons to give…

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cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“A hug is a gift you can always return.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

 

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Sometimes an “air of confidence” smells bad.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.


© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

 

Hello folks.

Once again, our Astro-Cyber-Prognosticator 2070, (AKA, Mondas 2070) has compiled the latest in celestial chart analysis just for you.

The results are just a few sentences from here.

We hope you can cope.

If you’ve been with us for any length of time, you are a survivor, and we salute you.

Enjoy…

Aries … Pluto is on the cusp of Aries at this time and is nervous about it. That’s not good. In the future, you will have the urge to steal the prepositions from all written works. On your first attempt, you will be caught and arrested by the Grammar Police.

Taurus … Uranus is trine with Taurus at this time and nearing the cusp. That foretells problems. In the not too distant future, you will wake up and convince yourself that calibration is the answer to longevity.

Gemini … The Moon is in its eighth house repairing some dry wall. That is just bad for you. In the not too distant future, you will be harassed by a band of roving oysters. They will annoy you with loud music from Pearl Jam.

Cancer … Jupiter is aligned with Venus now. That’s spells trouble. In the future, you will spend all your money to acquire acreage near Anchorage. Unfortunately, it will be under water and totally inaccessible.

Leo … Uranus is square with Leo at this time. That’s not too good for you. In the future, you’ll get a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt on cattle drive.

Virgo … The Earth is in opposition to Virgo now. That foretells problems. In the distant future, you will attempt to sell insurance to chickens and accept payment in eggs. The insurance company will deny all claims due to your illegible writing, which they will describe as “chicken scratching”.

Libra … Mars is adjacent to Libra now. That spells trouble. In the future, you will spend years researching and writing a book called, “How To Pamper Pampas Grass”. You will only sell a few copies to gauchos and one to Dennis Miller.

Scorpio … Mercury is rising now and nearing the cusp of Scorpio. That’s bad. In the not too distant future, you will get banged up on a bus while watching the movie, “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”. Your insurance will not cover your injuries.

Sagittarius … The Sun is in opposition to Sagittarius now. That’s spells trouble for you. In the not too distant future, you will attempt to develop rubber gloves so you can get a grip on your sanity. However, they will never work very well.

Capricorn … Jupiter is descending now toward the cusp of Capricorn. That’s not very good. In the not too distant future, you will try computer dating. Unfortunately, your date will crash after a software malfunction.

Aquarius … Venus is trine with Aquarius at this time. Too bad for you. In the future, you will get head lice twice after handling some mice in a maze. You’ll be itching to get rid of them.

Pisces … Saturn is aligned with Pisces now. That foretells problems. In the not too distant future, you will spend many months researching, and writing a book called, “How To Pamper Your Pancreas”. You will only sell a few copes to gastroenterologists and one to Dennis Miller.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“An obstetrician is basically a high priced delivery person.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“Poetic license never expires.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“If a man selects a new wig he will have toupee.”

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


astrology

Hi there, friends.

Are you ready for another round of delightful diversions?

If not, that’s okay, because we are offering you more unique troubles to make your lives more…shall we say… interesting?

But, after all, that’s what, “Your HORROR-Scope” is all about.

So, let’s get to it.

Enjoy…

Aries … The Sun is in Aries now. That portends weirdness. In the future, your friends and family will think you’re strange when you tell them that you are planning to shave all the legumes you can find.

Taurus … Mars is trine with Taurus at this time. That spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will reach a ripe old age only to be hand picked by a migrant farm worker and sold to a tribe of rouge arthropods.

Gemini … The Earth is aligned with Mercury now. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will be arrested for displaying your wart without a permit. You will end up in jail for resisting arrest.

Cancer … The Moon is in Cancer now. This foretells trouble. Sometime soon, you will be annoyed by a muse who sings the blues. It will make you confused, and dizzy.

Leo … Jupiter is aligned with Leo now, in an unfavorable way. That’s spells trouble. You will write a book called “101 Uses For Flab”. You will then be boycotted by the Flab Patrol for mocking flab in a vicious way.

Virgo … Saturn is rising now. That’s not good. It portends trouble for you. In the future, you will meet a hugger who turns out to be a mugger. It won’t turn out very well for you.

Libra … Mercury is descending quickly now. That isn’t good. In the distant future, you will give a doll to a dolphin. It will eat it then get sick. You then will be harassed by the, “Save The Dolphins From Dolls Society”.

Scorpio … Venus is in its fifth house now getting ready to play Space Monopoly with some friends. That foretells problems for you. In the not too distant future, you will step on a turd or a turtle. In any case it won’t be much fun. In fact, it will be a smelly situation.

Sagittarius … Pluto is in its second house looking for some flea spray. That spells trouble for you. In the distant future, you will be attacked and mauled by a bunch of vicious, tiger lilies.

Capricorn … Uranus is descending now and gaining on the cusp of Capricorn. That’s not good for you. In the not too distant future, will visit a swamp and suffer a lot when the cattails in the water start coughing up hairballs in your direction.

Aquarius … Mars is in opposition to Aquarius now. That’s not good. In the distant future, will suddenly feel very warm in cold waters when a whale relieves itself near you.

Pisces … Venus is trine with Pisces at this time. That foretells problems for you. In the future, you will try to speak gerbil but you will never get the pronunciation just right, especially words containing accent marks. You will become the laughing stock of the gerbil community and Dennis Miller.

And…remember what Weird Al says about astrology in his song, “Your Horoscope For Today”:

“Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.”

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved


cookie

Thanks for stopping by Humorous Interludes.

From time to time I will share the “fortune” I find in a fortune cookie I just opened.

I received a large box of them after winning a life changing “contest” I described in this blog on November 4, 2014.

If you are a new reader of, The Fortune Cookie, you should read the fortune cookie story “contest” I just mentioned above. It might make more sense.

Here’s the fortune cookie “thought” for today:

“An improper “touch” could become a “finishing touch”.

I hope you found it enlightening, or thought provoking, or weird, or whimsical, or funny, or just plain satisfying like a good cup of coffee, tea, or a bottle of fine wine.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day”.

© 2015 Ronald J. Yarosh

All rights reserved

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